When I thought I'd write about differences and similarities between I must admit, I didn't expect the first funeral to come this soon. When I arrived in England, I think my first funeral was at least 2-3 months into the job. Mine arrived on Saturday.
Notch that as difference number one. In England, once somebody dies, for the most part, you can count on about two weeks before the funeral takes place, especially if it's a cremation (a burial is usually about a one week turnaround). Here, the lady died on Thursday and the funeral was Saturday.
Secondly, visitation. I noticed this difference acutely when my grandpa died in February. Wakes have typically gone out of fashion in England; here, they're a social event. Visitation took place Friday night and lasted three hours! I was so tired when it was over. I don't know how the family coped. But there was a steady stream of people pretty much the whole time.
I shared this one. The deceased was last active in the 90s, really. So the family requested that the pastor from that time do the funeral. (He's now retired, living about 30 miles away.) I wasn't about to object at this point, so he took the sermon. The strangest thing, he asked me to visit the family. I didn't mind, but figured he would fill in details as he remembered her. Unfortunately, she barely got a mention. Instead, it was a salvation sermon. I hate those at a funeral. But he did, with a call to conversion at the end.
All in all, a funeral is a funeral. I just need to learn where to stand when. Hopefully, the funeral directors will be patient with me as I learn the choreography. Here's to not another one for a while, though.
1 comment:
I always tell the funeral home director that I hope I don't have to see him again too soon! Of course like many pastors, I would much rather do a funeral than a wedding any day.
I once had a lady pass away the day before Easter, the funeral was the day after Easter. I had less than 48 hours notice.
Visitations are quite a social time for many. One thing I have seen more of is for small funerals, they will hold a visitation for one hour before the funeral, and that is it. I don't stay the whole time. I usually come at the beginning, when the family does, pray with them if they like, then leave when I feel it is appropriate. In our community though, there are often visitors at the funeral home before the family.
At first it bothered me when the family would want someone else to do the service, especially a former pastor because I have always had it drilled into me that you never go back, even if you are asked. After a family got upset when a former pastor did not want to come back and fulfill the wishes of the deceased by doing the service because of "UM Policy" I have decided to that I must try my best to honor the family's wishes, without taking offense.
I agree with you that a funeral should be as personal as possible and I try my best to do so. I have learned a lot by working funerals with other pastors. I don't think salvation should be preached like that, though I had the same experience with a retired UM pastor had spent quite a bit of time with baptists.
Eh, you'll learn the tricks regarding funerals... and each funeral home dir has thier own way of doing things. Heres a few things to remember:
- Stand at the head of the casket following service.
- Lead the casket out of the building to the hearse
- at the graveside stand at the head of the cakset and face east.
Gosh, I think my comments may be just as long as your post.
Blessings to you in your new appointment!
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